Sex objects....and no I don't mean women.

Guess this will have to be a quick one but here goes....

I've noticed a drastic change in society. Sort of like the tables have turned. Basically if you switch on the television nowadays I can guarantee there'll be a half naked man on atleast one advert. Then there'll be a supposedly "typical" man whos an idiot. Anyone else noticed this? Basically the whole issue of which sex is better has come up again and this time the shoes on the other foot.

Its seems now that all men are good for is either too look at or be told what to do off they're wives. Now I forget but if it were the other way round wouldn't it be classed as sexism?

So anyway, i'm not a masculinist or anything but it just gets on my nerves that the women who produce these sort of adverts think two wrongs make a right. I've always been told it doesn't but hey, what do I know.

Starting to get really sick of it. Guess one good thing though, its made me realise what its like for the opposite sex to think that you're incompetent as hell.

So ladies, we get the picture. Stop these annoying adverts. I for one don't want to see a man in the nude. If I did I wouldn't be complaining.

Women are good at some things and men are good at others. Lets keep it at that.

Come and climb Everest. No experience necessary....

Right now I'm busy reading "Into thin air", a fantastically written book about the Everest disaster that claimed 8 lives in one day. This book basically raises an issue with the whole idea of the commercialisation of Everest and how it puts lives at risk.

So anyway, for the past three or four years I have wanted to climb K2. Its he second largest mountain in the world and is nicknamed "The mountain of mountains". Its thought by many to be the most difficult climb any mountaineer can attempt and kills one person for every four who summit. Basically, its the ultimate challenge.

Now if you were to ask me why I wanted to climb K2 I would basically have to answer with "I don't know". Theres just something that attracts me too the mountains and I've always fantasised about getting to the top of them. Its in my blood. Its incredibly tough, majorly dangerous, very expensive, cold, exhausting and scary when you think about it but honestly that does not scare me one bit. I'm also not an adrenaline junkie as most of you might think. Theres just a need in my heart to do it.

So back to the topic. Some of you may have asked to yourselves "Why not Everest? Surely thats big tough enough for you.". Well, you see, the thing about Everest is.........well it is a dangerous place to be with HACE, HAPE, AMS and all these other illnesses that can attack you and the threat of the weather turning against you.....oh and the issue of getting stuck in the death zone. Well anyway Everest is overrated. The only reason its so famous is not because of the severity of the climbing, its simply because its the highest. Not don't get me wrong, I am in no way saying its an easy climb, far from it. Its just anyone who knows about mountaineering realises that K2 (The savage mountain) is the one to beat. Its just that little bit more extreme.

So back to my moan for today. Nowadays Everest is more like a theme park ride than an extreme climb. People are taken up there like they are on a museum tour. I've got no problem with the idea of being guided its the fact that alot of the people who ascend Everest nowadays have never climbed before! They see it as a challenge to themselves whereas people like myself believe in gaining the relevant experience first and then attempting and have a love for the sport. I heard Gordon "Fucking" Ramsey was training up to give it a go. I mean, since when has he been known for his climbing skills.

Well anyway, these total amateurs should leave the true climbing to the pros and purists. The people out there who have a true love for the sport. The people who have dreamt since being a little kid of climbing any of the eight-thousanders. The people who don't need to be shown how to use crampons for this first time on the Khumbu Icefalls!!! (Basically for those not in the know, thats just above Everest base camp)

It should be like a job interview. Experience should count for everything. Otherwise it becomes dangerous and people die. Its not exactly a safe place to be up there on top of the world so why they let these morons try and climb it is beyond me.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA and a bit more hahahahahahaha.......

Time for another blog I feels.....

Many many days ago I was watching TV and an incredibly amusing show comes on about Health and Safety. "Boring" you say, well be prepared for a shock. This wasn't a show about how if you use a chainsaw you'll have a 100% chance of cutting off your own head. No this was a show about the Health and Safety inspectors.

Now bare with me here it gets a lot more interesting....

Now to be honest, I have never seen a man make me laugh as much as this one guy. First off, he told the reporter to be careful walking up the drive simply because there was a load of acorns on it. They act as a ball bearing you know? He also mentioned how he never used to be so interested in health and safety. Personally, I think they should stick a warning label on the boring old sod. Tell us to stay 100ft away at all times or you may die.

They should give him his own show. Simply because he cheers you up. You just can't stop laughing.

Fair play to him. Thats his job n all. But honestly, do you have to be so boring as too take pictures of scaffolding when you're on holiday in Italy? I rest my case.

These are the type of guys who ban conkers from school. I just hope one of them never goes to the Gloucestershire Cheese Rolling before I have a chance to have a go. See attached video: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=OpzEF0D2xfE Oh how I want to roll, roll and roll some more .

Make way for the Fun Police!




Ah yes found a promo for the show. Sit back and prepare to cry....with laughter. http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=IHzezDc9gu8

Make sure you watch both videos. Otherwise this post won't be very good at all.

Sunrise Sunset....Sunrise sunset.....SUNRISE SUNSET!!!!

To be honest, that title has nothing to do with this post.

So anyway I was watching this Drama on TV the other day. Its based on Chritianity and it got me thinking.....

When it comes to Religion I am agnostic pure and simple. I've thought long and hard about wether there is a God or wether there isn't and after much effort i've decided I just don't know. Kind of a waste of time since I started that way.

If you think about it this way. Since the Universe is 156 billion light years across I would like to know what happens when you reach the end. Do you hit some sort fo wall? Fall of a waterfall? Come out the other side like in Pacman? Well I for one do not know. And also. Whats outside the Universe? Is there just nothing? Blackness? More space? Or a pair of aliens playing marbles like MIB would have us believe? Well who knows.

What started the big bang off aswell? Thats probably the biggest question and one that remains unanswered.

So until there is strong eveidence towards an answer to these questions, I'm keeping an open mind.

I don't want to be worng afterall...

I'm just that vain

Isn't it odd when you find yourself wanting to have bad eyesight just so you can wear glasses.

So yeah, thats what happened too me not so long ago. I found myself hoping I had a problem just so I could look a bit more fashionable and sophisticated. Jeez how pathetic. I actually found a pair I would loved to have purchased. A pair of white Armani's. God they were amazing but alas I'll have to take my perfect vision and suffer without.

Got them checked out and had no problems at all. Guess I should be happy but not being able to look even better is such a downer.

Some people just have all the luck

Linky: http://www.wantglasses.co.uk/WebsitePages/EA_9412-p-376.html

You must be having a bath if you think you're half inchin' that...

After watching a few episodes of 'Little Britain: USA' I decided to see what the Americans thought of this sort of obscure humour. Its not for the faint of heart afterall. I took a peak at the imdb.com page for it and came across a number of Americans complaining about a couple of British comedians faking American accents and making a social statement about the country. Guess they got a taste of their own medicine.

Whenever you watch an American TV show and theres a British character they are always either an upper class twit or a total cockney. I for one do not sound like either. I don't find myself going up the apple and pears or drinking a cup of Rosy lee as the Americans TV producers would have you believe.

I can think of another five English accents without even thinking about it. We have Gerodie, Northumbrian, West country, Brummie, Cornish, Yorkshire....I know thats six but the list goes on and on. Thats just England. Go to Scotland and every different city and area seems to have its own accent.

So Americans, take note. We British don't just speak the Queen's English and we don't speak Cockney instead. We have a diverse language full of accents from thousands of years of history not just the two you portray us as having.

Mind you I won't be complaining about the whole being sophisticated idea. Thats one area where you've hit the nail right on the head.

Oh and hello Steph

Peace out!

Call me Romeo

So i'm a romantic guy. More romantic than most if i'm brutally honest. I'll comeback to this in a minute.

I'm depressed about the fact that theres no romance left in this world anymore (told you I would). I bet alot of you will have just shouted out " What about valentines day?!?". In a way, valentines day is an excellent opportunity for men to brandish their wives or girlfriends with gifts. Its even better if your the owner of a massive card company. So back to my point. Shouldn't everyday be like that. Surly we men don't need a reminder to make the women in our lives feel special.

This gets my goat. What also gets it is the fact that theres no one going on dates anymore. Its now a case picking the girl you want and saying " Yep, you're my girlfriend now"

All women want is to feel loved and that they're all that matters to you and yet you have to be reminded to buy a measly card once a year. Tsk Tsk. Things need to change. Bigtime.

"Baaaa" went the human...

I feel like I'm living in a movie. One of the Star Wars movies to be exact. 'Attack of the clones'. I'm not exactly flying through space right now or fighting off droids with a bright blue lightsaber. That happens when I'm asleep. Rather Its the whole clone part of the story.

Living where I do I am surrounded by tourists in the summer months. They arrive in droves with their bad manners and park anywhere attitude and annoy the hell out of everyone else. Whats worse though is the fact that everyone looks the same. They seem to wear the same clothes and have the same gormless look on their faces.

Being unique is a rarity nowadays and seems to be becoming a sin. Wear something different or listen to a "weird" kind of music and you get a "Burn him/her at the stake" attitude.

It stems from this need to conform and be classed. We're taught how to in school and are expected to keep it up until we're cold in our graves. I for one was absent when this lesson was taking place. I have never classed myself, I listen to the music I want to listen too, I enjoy the things I do and don't care what people think.

Everybodys different afterall. Everyone likes different things so why are people trying to fit into a mould that is two sizes two small. Its time to stand up and be unique.

So for those who are like me I applaud you. I would certainly have a coffee at Starbucks with you anyday.

A long time ago in a blog far, far away....

Wow has been quite a while since I last posted. Mostly because I was making my posts far too long and it became a chore. So i'm back and better than my already brilliant self (My head just barely fits through doorways now).

So where should I begin.....I think I'll start this new blogging streak with a bunch of twats that fill me with rage. Debt collection agencies. Now i'm not in debt myself but have read countless forums and watched many shows full of people who complain about them (and for good reason). Basically they threaten and depress the people who owe them money. They say they'll get the baliffs to visit you and take your stuff. They say they'll take you to court blah de blah blah. They seem to think people can magic money from out of nowhere. Thats the reason there'll be no credit cards entering my wallet. I won't give them the satisfaction of making me feel like dirt.

I did some research into the powers of a baliff. Suprisingly they seem to have none atall. They can't break into your house, they can't just take your stuff and they can't harass you. If you have one knocking on your door, hes not allowed to force his way in like they'll have you believe. Simply lock doors and windows and give him a pleasent smile and a wave as he turns red.

So don't feel frightened by these big bullies offer them an amount you'll pay every month and they can't really reject. If they harass, put a complaint into trading standards or whatever organisation deals with them. Its time for a revolution. Stand upto them and make your voice heard.

I also can't stand people trying to sell you things. Heres a good exaple of how you should answer the phone: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J5z4Vs26-TI (The link should work but I had to type it out)

So as they say, POWER TO THE PEOPLE!!!

PS3s and 360s - AKA Oranges and Lemons

First post for a while. I've been busy you see. I'll get straight to the point...

I'm on the eve of getting one of the greatest games ever. Metal Gear Solid 4. I won't go into any detail about the game because I can't be bothered to right now. Now alot of people preorder games. Maybe I should have done that and had the game today. But to be honest I'm just not that sad. The only game I've ever really preordered was GTA4 and that's because I knew it would sell out and I would have to wait ages to get it.

So anyway back to my point. In my exciting I've been looking around on the Internet for reviews, videos etc etc and stumbled upon this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i3zl2BjDSBk&NR=1

It's not the vid I'm about to moan about its the fanboys who have commented on it. You know the guys who like to post things like "PS3 sucks" or "360 blows". Chances are they haven't even used both consoles before and spend their time searching forums just so they can make their opinion heard.

I bought my PS3 for the simple reason that I wanted one. I weighed up getting a 360 but just liked the PS3 more. I'm not about to argue that the PS3 has better graphics blah de blah blah because really who can see any difference at this moment in time. I'm not going to defend the PS3's online capabilities etc. For me online play is not that big a draw in a game. I much prefer a good single player campaign.

So anyway the fact of the matter is this: Instead of arguing with people and criticising each others consoles, get playing them.

Peace out

Phones, Guitars and Egyptology

Been a few days since my last blog so I decided to write a new one. This one will be a little different to my previous ones.

So whats been happening these past few days i've been quiet? Well 1. I've been waiting and then setting up my new phone which is exceptionally good by the way. The only problem is it doesn't have the Blogger software on it like I was promised but aprt from that its an amazing piece of kit. 2. Been playing alot of guitar. 3. Been learing ancient egyptian. Bit of a useless skill really but who cares. Maybe it will lead on to me doing Egyptology at Uni. Wouldn't mind that actually. 4. Also been looking for a new job.

Wasn't the most exciting blog but just thought i'd update you all.

Party tomorow so i'm looking forward to that ang right now i'm eating a lovely white chocolate magnum. mmmmmmmm!!!

Good old Reality TV strikes again

Ah the day after the night before. No I wasn't out drinking last night. I'm talking about the final of Britain's got talent. The result of which caused quite a stir in this household.

After watching the series (mostly) from start to finish, I was delighted (well sort of) to finally be able to watch the final. Watching as a Signature supporter through and through, I had the boring task of watching the other finalists try and impress viewers at home. Granted they had talent but the majority of the acts had all been done before so I just wasn't entertained. Finally came on Signature and did another one of their brilliant performances. Sadly it just didn't have the effect of their previous two (which I suppose is the trouble with acts like theirs. They just aren't suited to shows like that). But I still thought they had what it took to win. Boy how wrong I was.

On comes the results show. I'll cut to the chase and start from the final three. Sitting anxiously on the edge of my seat they announced who had came third. Shock one of the night. That opera kid came third. Personally I thought he was good enough to get to the final two. Finally, they announce the winner. The final two acts are of course Signature and that stupid epileptic kid who can't control his body. Shock two of the night. Epileptic kid won!!! I was utterly shocked. This kid who I never even noticed during the whole competition had actually won. This kid who looks like hes having a fit actually won!!! This kid who tries to do a backflip at the end of his act, fails and then lands flat on his back actually won!!! Sorry to go on but that what was going through my mind as he started to cry on stage like a girl. If that's entertainment I don't want to know anymore.

The reason he won, was not because of his generic and mediocre talent, it was all down to his sob story. That tool that people in these type of programs like to use. It also comes down to all these women and 13 yr old girls thinking he's cute and not looking actually looking at his talent. I actually did drink that night. Purely for the shock at how stupid people in this country actually are and how powerful the sob story can be.

I would like to ask anybody who voted for him out there one question. If say he didn't become well known because of Britain's Got Talent and you hadn't heard his sob story, would anybody honestly go pay and watch him dance over say one of the singers or that classical quartet?

Answers on a postcard please.

(Small print will follow tomorow. It was supposed to be today but I never thought I would have to write a blog about this)

Part 1 - Cigarettes and small print - I just can't get enough

Time for a second blog I think. I decided to keep this one short since yesterday's was like a mini novel.

So I've decided to do a blog about two things that really annoy me. Cigarettes and small print for those of you who hadn't read the title. So here goes....

First comes cigarettes (For obvious reasons). Its not the smoking of cigarettes I'm making a fuss over but the Government's plans to stop youngsters smoking them. Don't get me wrong. People who are too young to smoke should not. It does so much damage even when your over 18 let alone when your younger. That's why theres an age limit after all. But isn't the point of being young to be reckless and make mistakes like smoking or drinking too much and having liver problems at age 12 and not caring about these sort of things and getting pregnant. It isn't?!? There goes my whole belief system.

But anyway I'll get too the point. The measures that are being discussed by these moronic MPs are these: 1. Ban cigarette (or fag if you like to talk like that) vending machines 2. Ban logos and designs on the cigarette packets themselves. They idea is to have them in plain white boxes with 'Cigarettes' written across the top and 3. To ban the 10 packs that kids seem to love. Believe it or not I have problems with all three of these ideas. For idea No.1 I very much doubt kids use these machines anyway. I only seem to see then in seedy uncool pubs that these young'uns wouldn't be seen dead in. 2. I don't know whether its just me but I've noticed that when one of these scallywags doesn't have a choice in the matter they'll pretty much smoke anything. And finally No 3. My favourite idea. Doesn't the Government realise that two kids, who would each only have enough for a pack of ten, could clump together and be able to buy a pack of twenty. This after all, already goes on. I've seen it. It isn't pretty.

So instead, maybe a good idea would be to use the talent that these kids have for smoking and get them to smoke sausages or kippers. "That isn't the same kind of smoking?!? Oh well. There goes my brilliant idea" But you get my point. Maybe they should invest in giving this lot, who seem to have no imagination, something to do. The reason these kids start to smoke, in my very arrogant opinion, is because they have nothing to do in the first place. They stand on street corners, see someone else standing there with them smoking, their impressionable mind gets going and the next thing you know they're down the local papershop trying to persuade someone who's old enough, to buy a pack for them. Its a vicious circle that no apparently "cool" kid can avoid. So that's my idea. Give them something to do. It's a simple idea but one that will give the government those savings from the NHS that they want. After all that's their secret plan. Instead of caring for the health of the people they want to stop having to pay for smoking related illness in the future. Imagine all the millions (of pounds) they'll save when smoking related illness levels drop. Its the same for Obesity and Drinking aswell. You can see the secret poundsigns in Gordon Brown's eyes right now.

So, in conclusion, the government should let these kids and even adults do what they like. If they want to smoke or drink, let them. After all, we live (apparently) in a free country. So let them makes they're mistakes and let them regret it in the future. If these kids remain under the impression that smoking is cool they'll always find a way to smoke. That's a matter of fact. The best action the government can take is to use reverse psychology on these little....darlings. Gordon Brown should say smoking is cool. This will put them off for good and we won't have any problems again. Simple but very, VERY effective.

Part 2 - Small print will follow tomorrow

First post 'ere - Intros and scallywags

I thought I'd use this post to introduce myself and describe what my (hopefully) daily blog will involve.

First off, my names Chris, Chrissy or whatever version of Chris you want to call me. Really I'm not fussed. I hail from exciting England and spend my time playing guitar and cycling. But that's enough about me.

I decided to start a blog that tells of the levels of stupidity (particularly tourists and MPs) in the world today and also encompasses my general moans and groans about absolutely anything. Plus I may also use it to discuss worlds events (but not to necessarily moan about them) or anything that tickles my fancy so to speak. I just ordered a new mobile which has 'Blogger capabilities' so I'll be able to upload a new blog hopefully everyday as I'm sitting at work (except Sunday). Maybe I should have a day off from blogging on a Sunday.

But anyway back to my intro. I work in a job that is very close to the public so I have seen some incredibly stupid things in my time as a....... I'll leave you to guess that actually. So I decided to start a blog so that anybody out there who wants to listen to my interesting life and stories can. Somethings you wouldn't believe however I'll leave these to a later date. Don't want to run out of things to write after all. However I'll start off with one that just grinds my gears everytime I see it happen.

So today I used a public toilet. Nothing to strange or stupid about that you might say. However this particular complaint/observation/moan comes from the hand dryers and the people that use them.

I've noticed that this particular public toilet uses the automatic models that go off if you move your hand away from the sensor. Fair enough and that's not the problem for me. The problem comes from the morons that use them and give them a bang when they stop blowing a less than gale force gust. You see them standing there, drying their hands, happily humming a merry tune in their heads until......duh! duh! duh! (supposed to be a suspenseful tune BTW) disaster strikes. The dryer stops!!! A expression of puzzlement and confusion comes across their face as they try and work out what evil has caused this to happen. They try the on/off switch but to no avail. Finally as a last gasp attempt they start hitting the dryer in an attempt to bring it back to life with the magical power of their hand. Success!!! They dryer comes back on and starts blowing the less than gale force gust from before.

The final straw comes when they move their hand for a second time and it stops again. But this time Mr Moron knows the solution. He bangs and he bangs. Success (again)!!! Its starts to work as he places his hand under the sensor. Feeling pleased he gives himself a clap only for disaster to strike once more. Duh!!! Duh!!! Duh!!! (Suspenseful music again) This is the final straw and he leaves, defeated and red with anger. His soaking wet hands scraping on the floor and a once perfectly healthy hand dryer left mangled in its final resting place. He has one thing to snarl to me as he walks past me. "Stupid dryers never work!"

This is a typical example of what I have aptly named "The Hand Dryer Moron". Everytime I go in there seems to be at least one. When I stand next to them I find it so hard not to laugh at them or say to them "Even a chimp could get that to work" but that would probably push them right over the top and I probably wouldn't be able to leave at all.

So that's a typical example of what really gets me moaning. Nearly turned into a novel. Any blogs that follow will probably the same sort of thing although I'm new to this blogging lark so it may change. I'll also try and cover my trails and tribulations in life. Nothing too personal ofcourse but you get the idea.

Anyway thanks for listening to my first ever blog and I hope you'll stay tuned. Was actually quite fun to write if I'm honest.

Not sure if I'm supposed to finish like a letter with my name on a blog or what so I will since its my first attempt.

Thanks,

Chris

P.S I hope all you readers out there realise how to solve the hand dryer conundrum. If you don't maybe you are a 'Hand Dryer Moron'

P.P.S I have opened accounts on Youtube and Flickr. This way I can uploads videos and pictures to them that may be of some use to my blog. So subscribe or add me as a friend or whatever

http://www.youtube.com/Dailymoansandgroans
http://www.flickr.com/photos/dailymoansandgroansblog/